Seminar Date: Tuesday November 16, 2010

Today’s topic at Paul Revere was “The 5 Steps Of Parenting”. We had twenty or so parents in attendence.  Psychotherapist Richard B. Cohen covered the issue of respect, and how parents must model respectful behavior in their family to create a respectful climate overall.  The more effective parents are at stating their needs and goals for the family in a clear and appropriate manner, the more they can empower their children to understand and recognize their own needs, and how to assert them effectively. 

Richard discussed A. Rae Simpson's 5 Steps of Parenting which are to:

1. Love and Connect

2. Monitor and Observe

3. Guide and Limit

4. Model and Consult

5. Provide and Advocate

Richard stated that “the more alienated your teen is, the more likely they are left to be raised by their peers."  He stressed that it is very important to separate the “person” from the “behavior” when dealing with our kids. We love the “person”; we’d like to impact “the behavior”.  Richard quoted Wilfred Bion MD, who wrote Experiences In Groups.  “Never attempt problem resolution until the problem is adequately defined.”

In regards to future seminar topics, one parent suggested the impact of violent video games on teens and how families can deal with this issue. Our topics at Paul Revere are set for the school year, but suggestions like these can be submitted for next year.

Richard also mentioned that we are starting an evening parent support group at Palisades High School. Perhaps this is something Paul Revere parents might be interested in as well.  Please talk to your school representative. Remember that you can go to any LAUSD seminar listed on our calendar, and you are always welcome at the free parent skills training workshops at our office, every other Wednesday night. Check the seminar calendar on our website for those dates and topics as well.

The book recommendation for today is:

Get Out Of My Life, But First Could You Drive Me To The Mall: A Parent’s Guide To The New Teenager, by Anthony E. Wolf, Ph.D

See you next month!

Seminar Date: Thursday November 4, 2010

We were at Pali High this week to talk about college application pressure and related family stress.  Jesse Engdahl, a counselor at Of One Mind, and Director of The Educational Resource Center, covered a variety of issues.  A few points:

This is not a "one size fits all" process.  It is best to gather information and then make it fit for your own family. This applies to goals, financial concerns, and family priorities.

Start a “lite” conversation early, then allow some time for it to be processed.  If it feels appropriate, schedule an early preliminary meeting with a college counselor to plant the seeds for further consideration. This can be done in 9^th or 10^th grade. College counselors can start your child thinking about who they are, how they want to present themselves, and where they might want to go in very broad terms.

Early visits to a small, medium and large school can provide some clarity for students.  Sample a rural and urban setting. This can be done locally to give your child some idea of the general feel of a campus. Some kids love a city school like USC, and some kids want the community that a school with a strong central campus offers. Distance can be a factor as well, such as a school in a location that has direct flights.  The cost of traveling to and from school for family visits and holidays should be factored in.

Organizationally we recommend that you set up a gmail account in the student’s name and use that for all college related business only. Set a simple password to be shared by the student, the parents and the school counselor. Use the same name and password for your College Board account. This will centralize all college email.

If you use a computer, you can open a new folder on your desktop. Within that folder have secondary files for:  1) personal information like previous schools, important dates,  social security number and personal stats,  2) a resume; keeping track of sports and activities like music or art, summer jobs, even babysitting counts, references, special accomplishments and awards, community service and anything else that you would like on a resume. 3)  the list of schools with addresses you are interested in,  4) essay prompts, outlines and eventually essays,  5) misc; this could be any tidbits of information you find interesting that you want to keep handy or remember. Do this early and you will be glad to have this done once your child starts doing the applications.

Encourage your child to use google docs to save their essays, or email themselves their work on a regular basis. This will allow them to access their work from anywhere such as school, the library, or a friend’s house.